As a begin my journey to the new me, I find myself finding the old me. The old me, before I got lost, and directed to follow a long a path of a lower self image. I spent the last ten years making sure I was just enough, just enough happy to get by. This was my life, and I would make it the best I could. I have always been good at seeing the bright side, the goodness in people, the best of every situation. I guess when I look back, I can see it clearly, as they say, Hind sight is 20/20. Rose coloured glasses have been removed and it's a little shocking. I am still not one to dwell, nor feel badly for a long time. Self pity is useless, especially since others have it way worse.
So, now back to finding my way back. The last time I remember being really crazy about something, it was in nursing school. I loved the qualitative study of the lived experience. Phenomenology, it was called. Stories, peoples stories, their lives, how they experience their lives, and events in their lives. Their perspective. It fascinated me. I have forgotten about it. My love for other people and their experiences, had slowly leaked out of me. I still loved people, and what they were going through, but the story and passion for the story was gone.
The other day, I sat and read someones writing, and tears came to my eyes. It want sad, nor was it a bad story but I could just feel, what they were feeling when they wrote it. It wasn't empathy, it was something more. It was the old Me, I realised that later the next day. That connection I felt when hearing, reading and engaging with a person while learning something about them. It's not just a "nodding" of the head and thinking, "ah I get that" It's so much more. I feel it, the emotion, and experience the experience more fully than just empathy.
I am happy to have this part of me developing again. I had forgotten about it so much that I hadn't even missed it. I hope that I can learn more about it, and gain more from this. I wonder what else I have lost, that I don't remember I even have lost. Can't wait to find out. I'll be embracing the new old me and the joy, and happiness that goes along with being the person you really are.
So, now back to finding my way back. The last time I remember being really crazy about something, it was in nursing school. I loved the qualitative study of the lived experience. Phenomenology, it was called. Stories, peoples stories, their lives, how they experience their lives, and events in their lives. Their perspective. It fascinated me. I have forgotten about it. My love for other people and their experiences, had slowly leaked out of me. I still loved people, and what they were going through, but the story and passion for the story was gone.
The other day, I sat and read someones writing, and tears came to my eyes. It want sad, nor was it a bad story but I could just feel, what they were feeling when they wrote it. It wasn't empathy, it was something more. It was the old Me, I realised that later the next day. That connection I felt when hearing, reading and engaging with a person while learning something about them. It's not just a "nodding" of the head and thinking, "ah I get that" It's so much more. I feel it, the emotion, and experience the experience more fully than just empathy.
I am happy to have this part of me developing again. I had forgotten about it so much that I hadn't even missed it. I hope that I can learn more about it, and gain more from this. I wonder what else I have lost, that I don't remember I even have lost. Can't wait to find out. I'll be embracing the new old me and the joy, and happiness that goes along with being the person you really are.
